That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
