$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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