and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
