Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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