how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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