I'm really into asian looking animals
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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