I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
