Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
