3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
