here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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