I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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