Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
