ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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