Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
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