my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
