woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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