Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
