end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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