well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
