So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize