I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
