i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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