I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
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