God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
