I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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