Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
