I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't deserve a penis
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
