Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
