I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
