The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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