I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
