so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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