Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
