He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
