I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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