i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
