I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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