The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
