i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
