hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
