Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
