covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
