apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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