come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
