Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
