i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
