Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
