I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Randomize
