i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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