please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i barfeds in our rink
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
