Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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