just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
