I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
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