she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
