not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
