Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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