some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
