I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
we're so committed to being not committed
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