Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
