Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize