what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
