she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
