hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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