Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
