Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
