Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Oh god it's open bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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