its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My room smells like vodka and shame
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
