you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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