Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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